My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
