Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
