last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My vagina just clenched in fear
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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