i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
