Your mouth is God's brothel.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
