I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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