I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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