Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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