i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
