Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
