i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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