i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
