i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
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