I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
