Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
