i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
