Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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