He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
