i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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