U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize