just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
