I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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