My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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