Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
