i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
