Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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