Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
