I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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