Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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