I checked into jail on foursquare
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
