he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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