Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
