I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
