I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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