I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
