So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
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