that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you had me at cake vodka
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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