he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
