I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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