Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Me too!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm at about main and main street
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
