Pappa wants mamma naked
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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