im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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