Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
