I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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