I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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