You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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