At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
