Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
