Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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