its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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