Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You can't just leave with hair like that
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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