I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
