Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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