Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Randomize
