Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
