You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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