that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
