life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
