After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
