You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
