you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
