I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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