i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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