i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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