shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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