billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i think i scared a bird with my dick
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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