Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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