hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Randomize
