Cold hands, warm shart.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
