Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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