Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize