I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
