Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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