You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
