Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
