the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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