oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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