What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
