Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
