hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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