I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he shaved USA in his pubs
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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