I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
