Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
