Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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