Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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