; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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