Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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