I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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