Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
