census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize