what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize