We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
