"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
