I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize