My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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