Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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