i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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