I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize