Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
